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Thursday, June 2, 2011

10 thoughts Mark Zuckerberg might have as his eyes bore into your soul.

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

"I've decided that perhaps we should continue our meetings via e-mail, text or phone calls from this point forward. When we last met, you stared at me for a full 5 minutes without saying a word after I asked you how you were doing. 
You unnerved me Sir. In fact, in those 5 minutes, i went from questioning what i had said wrong  to scrutinizing my childhood."

Yours Truly,
Mel Gibson





   Have you ever watched a Mark Zuckerberg interview? I have....a few. The only way to describe them would be 'weird' I guess. Not 'weird' as in one of those moments when the interviewer or the interviewee is having a weird day... http://youtu.be/GNrB6qpmNwg  

   'Weird' like trying to have a conversation with a 'Zombie' kind of weird. Even his closest friends have said that Mark is programming even as you're talking to him. 

   I've always wondered what goes through Mr. Facebook's mind as he stares blankly at you...is it sheer brilliance as in he can see what's happening on Saturn at any given moment or is it simply because his tear ducts don't work and he's crying inside.

   So here now is my list of 'thoughts' that might be going through Mr. Zuckerberg's mind as he stares at you like a newborn baby.

1. " 'The Social Network'...Pffft! God i hate that movie! Yes i did fuck a lot of people out of money but why did they have to make me look so weird.  "

2. " What if people just  stop suddenly 'liking' things? Then what? Do I replace it with a 'hate' button? Yeah, that's it....people can start 'hating' things....like Google! "

3. " I feel like crying right now....Keep it together Mark! Woo them with that warm, engaged look they love and expect from you....you must! "

4. " I'm so pissed that Old Navy ran out of my favourite t-shirts! I should just buy those bastards out and make them sell only 'my' t-shirts! Holy Shit! I'm on to something! "

5. " <HTML>
<HEAD>
<TITLE>Script Encoder Sample Page</TITLE>
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JScript">
<!--//
//Die Everybody.Die. All Rights Reserved.
//**Start Encode**
function verifyCorrectBrowser(){
  if(navigator.appName == "Microsoft Internet Explorer")
    if (navigator.appVersion.indexOf ("5.") >= 0)
      return(true);
    else
      return(false);
}
6. " Why did Priscilla ignore me last night after i mentioned a pre-nup? " 

7. "Blink....1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...10....blink........
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...10
.....blink....1.... 2... 3....
"

8. " I mean 'Prince' worked for Prince, i don't see why officially changing my name to Zuck wouldn't work.....shit, it's one letter away from fuck...i hate people. "

9. " Wow, how long is it going to take for these morons to realize that they're talking to a clone ? " 

10. " I own you....just saying....would you talk to God like this? "

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